isis: (darren)
[personal profile] isis posting in [community profile] pacifi_cant
Slings & Arrows, gen, 540 words, PG.


The Minister of Cheap Tricks and Bare Bosoms

"Uh-oh," said Richard, and Darren looked up to see the Minister of Culture bearing down on them like a battleship. Quickly he downed the rest of the cheap cabernet in his glass, and immediately wished for more. This was more Richard's sphere, the necessary hobnobbing with the masses. And, of course, with the mandarins who controlled their grant money. But he, Darren, was an artist. He should be above kowtowing to their petty concerns. Especially during the intermission of their opening night gala.

"An interesting production," she said. She fixed her gimlet gaze upon Darren.

"Actually, it is not," said Darren blandly. "It is pabulum for the masses. But do they ask for soliloquies? They do not. They ask for musical numbers, explosions, animals, and naked breasts."

"Well, I can't deny you've delivered those."

"And you can't deny they fill seats," said Richard. His voice was full of artificially hearty hail-fellow-well-met, and Darren wondered how many glasses of cheap cabernet had gone down that nervous gullet.

"No. But I'm the Minister of Culture, Richard, not the Minister of Cheap Tricks and Bare Bosoms."

Darren glared at her. "Cheap tricks?"

She shrugged. "If it quacks like a duck…"

"Of course it quacks!" Richard said quickly. "And that trick did not come cheap."

"I don't think she's talking about the sound effects, Richard."

"Goddamn right I'm not." The Minister of Culture gestured around the theatre lobby. "I remember when this was a Shakespeare festival theatre."

"This is still –" started Richard, but she steamrollered over him. "When was the last time you put on a play actually by Shakespeare? Two seasons ago? Three?"

"Last season," Richard informed her smugly. "The Merry Desperate Housewives of Windsor."

"Loosely based on the play," added Darren.

"Yeah, right. You waved a copy of the play over the stage." She shook her head. "You receive funding because you are bringing culture to the masses. And you are going to stage an actual Shakespeare play next season, or your money…" She drew her hand across her neck with what seemed to Darren to be inappropriate relish. "Now, if you gentlemen will excuse me, I'm going to go get drunk enough that I can enjoy the second half of your bread and circuses."

She strode off. Darren shook his head. "She's a fucking Lady Macbeth."

"That's it," said Richard, looking relieved. "You'll stage Macbeth next season. I mean, the Scottish Play." He gave Darren what he no doubt thought was a knowing look, but it came off more like a leer.

"Oh, joy."

"I have complete faith in you," said Richard. The lights blinked, and people began to file back into their seats. Darren followed, thinking.

Macbeth. Modern setting, government bureaucrats, a rebel coup. What if he cast Macbeth as a woman, and Lady Macbeth her radical lesbian lover, in slogan-bedecked t-shirts that could be ripped off in the heat of battle, whose strike at the seat of power represented a fight against the entrenched patriarchy? Of course the swordfight at the end would have to be a gunfight. No, an incendiary bomb; even better.

The lights dimmed, and Darren smiled. Somewhere in the wings, a quack rang out.

--

for [personal profile] kinetikatrue
prompt: "Of course it quacks!"

Date: 2010-04-11 12:28 am (UTC)
petra: Don McKellar with a scarf, looking superior in black and white. (Darren - Dubious look)
From: [personal profile] petra
I adore that Darren's reaction to having to put on Shakespeare is to immediately work out how to get in lesbians, nudity, and things blowing up. Awwww, Darren.

Date: 2010-04-11 12:40 am (UTC)
sage: Still of Natasha Romanova from Iron Man 2 (Default)
From: [personal profile] sage
*imagines Darren's MacBeth* Hee!!

This was so much fun. I love their banter!

Date: 2010-04-11 12:50 am (UTC)
exbex: (Default)
From: [personal profile] exbex
You've captured them brilliantly here, especially Darren

Date: 2010-04-11 12:58 am (UTC)
gwenfrankenstien: Cartoon version of Mattell's Frankie Stein doll, the teen daughter of Frankenstein's monster (darren nichols)
From: [personal profile] gwenfrankenstien
The Merry Desperate Housewives of Windsor!! Ahaha, of course they would.

Date: 2010-04-11 12:08 pm (UTC)
akite: Geoffrey from Slings & Arrows (Oh Gawd)
From: [personal profile] akite
That's exactly how I imagine New Burbidge with Darren in charge. *shakes head*

Date: 2010-04-11 12:13 pm (UTC)
mamaffy: (Default)
From: [personal profile] mamaffy
You make me want to watch Darren, now. Great dialogue, that's exactly him and it made me smile! :)

Date: 2010-04-11 01:00 pm (UTC)
lamentables: (Default)
From: [personal profile] lamentables
HEEEEE!

Date: 2010-04-11 07:06 pm (UTC)
endcredits: ([ckr] kowalski)
From: [personal profile] endcredits
Bwahah — superb Darren voice! I am so ridiculously in love with the title: it should absolutely be an official job title, no? I'm tempted to modify my (imaginary) business cards. *ponders*

Somewhere in the wings, a quack rang out.

Date: 2010-04-11 11:34 pm (UTC)
kinetikatrue: (stage)
From: [personal profile] kinetikatrue
So, I freely admit that I prompted with great silliness and abandon for this challenge, but you more than met any expectations of reciprocation I might have had. *g* Darren is just so himself, here - and running thoroughly amok in his own inimitable way. I'd honestly really love to see the Macbeth he's proposing!

(I'm also thoroughly intrigued by whatever it is that's onstage and featuring both ducks and bare bosoms - so perhaps not so much pabulum? Or I might just be one of the masses. Which, y'know, I'd be pretty okay with.)

Richard and the Minister of Culture are both fantastic, as well, of course! And I continue to be amused that I do seem to have a certain ability to draw you in exchanges!

Date: 2010-04-12 03:46 am (UTC)
mergatrude: a hermit crab peering from it's shell with the text "lurker" (Default)
From: [personal profile] mergatrude
Heeee! Oh, Darren!

This was great!

Date: 2010-04-12 05:13 am (UTC)
akamine_chan: Created by me; please don't take (Default)
From: [personal profile] akamine_chan
I loved the idea of Richard accidentally leering at Darren. The mind absolutely boggles! Great job.

Date: 2010-04-12 03:08 pm (UTC)
roadie: (Default)
From: [personal profile] roadie
Heeeee! Darren!!! :D

That is so how he would stage Macbeth. Haha.

Date: 2010-04-13 12:38 pm (UTC)
luzula: a Luzula pilosa, or hairy wood-rush (Default)
From: [personal profile] luzula
This made me laugh out loud! Awesome Darren voice.

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